Community in Matrimony
Some reflections on the Sacrament of Matrimony
A very close friend of my recently got married, and of course it wouldn’t be a wonderful and intimate celebration without the presence of family and close friends.
As one of his groomsmen, and probably the closest person to be assisting them in all the preparations leading to their “I do”, the groom personally asked me if I could share a few words on their special day. Like I said, the groom is very close to me, a brother from another mother, even, so who am I to say no?
But that wasn’t the only thing I did for their wedding. The couple also wanted to have a symbolic washing of the feet done during the wedding reception, and, again, asked me to speak in front, to explain the significance of why they want to do it. I actually find it providential that the wedding was exactly the week after the solemn Paschal Triduum, which, if we remember, at the Mass of the Lord’s supper, the priest washes the feet of twelve selected people, re-enacting Christ’s washing the feet of the apostles. It was beautiful, washing the feet of the other as a symbol of selfless service towards each other, followed by kissing each other’s feet, an expression of humility in service. Even providential was that the wedding was on the Saturday in the Octave of easter, of which the Gospel reading was an account of Christ appearing to his disciples, and telling them to go and proclaim the Good News. It’s providential in that it was a beautiful moment to remind people of the Good News of the Sacrament of Matrimony.
One thing that struck me was during the photo session, one of the guests who also recently got married told them, “Welcome to the cross.”
Of course, we all knew it was pun intended. But those words struck me, and I would like to share my message here which I addressed to the couple, their families, and to the community.
To the Couple:
“Welcome to the cross.” If you think about it, marriage indeed is a cross. It’s not all rose-colored petals and lush greens. It’s not all 7th heaven and clouds up in the air. Husbands and wives carry each other as crosses, not just for a year or two, but for life. Even unto death, your husband or wife is a cross you carry with you to the eternal reward. It operates in a no-return-no-exchange policy that holds till the end. But it’s a beautiful cross. It’s a grace-filled cross. It’s a cross of blessings and challenges, and this combination of both is what makes it beautiful. Carried with love and faith, embraced with a daily resolution to love, to serve, and to be humble, it becomes, eventually, a cross without a cross. Marriage is a sacrificial love that demands the husband and wife to die to each other each day, to have that daily resolution to love and serve one another, and the family that they will build. It is a sacrificial love because it has to be freely and fully given, even with the challenges and struggles that come with it. As one of Shakespeare’s sonnet goes:
Love is not love which alters it when alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: O no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wandering bark whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken. Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle’s compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out, even to the edge of doom.
To the Couple’s Families:
We ought to take the words from Genesis 2:24 seriously, when it said:
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.
This isn’t to say that the newlyweds should abandon their parents, no. But their primary focus should now be on living their lives together and eventually raising their own families. As parents and family members, we continue to be present in their lives, witnessing to them through our actions and prayers. We are not around to meddle in their lives, but to be role models of a faithful and God-filled marriage. That is now the role of parents and family members. Such is the difficulty for a parent, to finally let go as their children fully fly with their special someone. We let go, no matter how hard and painful it is, we let go. They will now build on their own, make their own mistakes, learn from them, pick themselves up, and keep going. But it is the parents’ penultimate duty to let them go, but always leaving the door open when they need to run back for solace and strength.
To the Community:
Many of us attend a wedding ceremony because we want to be one in celebrating the union of two people. We want to be there to personally convey our best wishes and congratulations to the married couple. We want to be present and witness as they exchange their vows before God and all. We want to be physically present as we pray for them.
But when we are there, we ought to realize that we are there for a bigger and greater purpose. We are there not just for the things mentioned, but for something more.
In our praying for the newly-married couple, we are there to also make a commitment to God, to be present for the couple. We are there to commit to be guideposts, to be witnesses through our works and prayers, that our thoughts, words, and actions, should help the couple in their journey as husband and wife, leading them to the penultimate goal of this most beautiful vocation, to be united to God. Truth is, it takes a community working together and guided by the Holy Spirit to raise a true Christian family. Each one of us has something to bring to the table so that a family can truly conform themselves to the way of Christ and the Holy Family.
We ought to come together and stand together, serving as Christ-like models for the newly-married couples, whether we are single, married, with a family, or living the religious life. The path to holiness is never a solitary journey. It demands of the community to come together for it to come to fruition.
