Da Mihi Animas Cætera Tolle
What if God is calling once more?
People who are familiar with the spirituality of Don Bosco can surely recognize the title of this blog entry. Translated, it means, “Give me souls, take away the rest.”
Apart from little bits and pieces of understanding the life of St. John Bosco, I am not as versed as to the motto of the SDB family, apart from that this motto served as the life program of St. John Bosco, especially towards the young.
Yet, it is a strong motto, a cry, even. It is so strong and resounding, that, for some reason, perhaps by some Divine manifestation or providence, these words have been ringing in my heart and tugging in my soul as of late, placing me at a crossroads once more. Which begs the question:
What if God is calling once more?
I have long resigned myself to the fact that I would no longer aspire for the life of a priest or a religious, with my vast range of experiences over the years of mingling with them.
But what if the voice resounds once more? What if that whisper which has long died down has started to become a clanging cymbal, or a bellowing trumpet? What if the silence of the past years was but a precursor to a sudden, powerful voice that commands, that behooves one and compels one to drop everything and act?
I am afraid. I truly am. I am very much afraid, because this is a voice that I have not heard in a long while. It is a sound, a voice, in fact, that is reverberating across every facet of my mind, body, heart, and soul.
Lord, what do you wish to make of this broken soul? This clay that has been molded to become a cracked vase, what good will it serve in this world, in this noble mission for souls? I am at a loss as to why call me once more.
Everywhere I go, the one thing that follows me is sadness. What follows me is a certain desolation, as if I am not where God meant me to be. I keep searching and searching, and I seem to not be getting anywhere. I keep moving from one place to another, and I still end up restless, unhappy, unfulfilled.
But this question reverberated strongly over the weekend, as I witnessed the wedding of the closest friend I will ever have in my entire life.
What if God is calling once more?
I just realize how I seem to manifest and show strength, I am actually a weakling, brushing everything I am struggling with and dealing with under the rug, even the direction which God may be calling me to. I continue to sweep everything under the rug, and the dust underneath keeps piling and piling, to the point that it has obstructed my view of God.
As I unfurl the rug from the floor, everything I have swept underneath for so long finally unravels before me, and I cannot just allow it to continue to pile up. If I am to answer our Lord, then I must take the courageous step to do some serious house cleaning, never mind if the fear continues to haunt me. I must act. It cannot be so that I just continue to brush it aside and ignore it as if it does not exist.
I must act.
Da mihi animas cætera tolle — Give me souls, take away the rest.
