Tried by Fire
A scary and beautiful prayer on asking to purified and used by God
Here’s to wrapping up the week.
Truth be told, I’m still in a rut. I’ve got a hosting gig coming up for a wedding reception, and still a way’s way in all the preparations: mastery of the songs I’ll sing, completing the script, and getting myself into the hosting mindset. Couple this with the things I have to do at work, and suffice to say that it’s definitely crunch time for me.
But the reason I’m stuck, or I’m moving at a snail’s pace, is because of my overthinking and overanalyzing every single detail in my head. All of this isn’t translating to anything concrete or an action for that matter.
Where’s this all leading me?
I’ve practically put everything else in my faith life and healing journey to a standstill. Sure, I’d say my daily prayers, I’d go to Mass on Sundays, but it’s all rote and mechanical.
I guess that’s the reason why the song Refiner by Maverick City Music is resonating with me of late. Now, before anything else, I humbly ask the conservatives and traditionalists who might be reading this to give me a little elbow room to share my reflection and not come after me as if with an ax to grind. I just happened to love the song, and it’s provided me an avenue for reflection, so I sincerely ask of you to cut me some slack with this.
There’re just so many aspects of my life that I want the Lord to fully consume, until He consumes the totality of me. These lines from the song strike me the most:
I wanna’ be tried by fire, purified,
You take whatever you desire,
Lord here’s my life.
These lines, translated to a heartfelt and sincere prayer, are both beautiful and scary. They’re beautiful and scary because it signifies an act of total surrender, a “Job moment” of sorts. But it is in treading along the waters of this beauty and fear in surrender that one begins to find faith, the same way that Job trusted God. Never mind if everything was taken from him, only to be replaced by immense suffering. He kept the faith.
Maybe that’s my missing link. Maybe I was failing to recognize my own “Job moment”, which I may be in at this very moment. And it is in this “Job moment”, in this treading the waters of beauty & fear in the midst of surrendering that I may find my faith, the very essence and core of my faith, which is God Himself. As I find it, may I not just stare at it, but grab it, treasure it, nurture it, and share it, letting it permeate across all aspects of my life.
Lord, here’s my life. Amen.
